(A break from the 30 day thing to bring you this):
Ah, September is halfway through, the air is finally cooling down, textbooks are arriving at my doorstep, and Orientation Week is less than a week away. For me, Orientation Week mainly means one thing, and that one thing is beer, ladies and gentlemen (and any ladyboys and gentlewomen that may be reading). I freaking love beer, but it always tastes so much crisper in that blissful week before school starts where everyone is a wily first year again, drinking themselves into oblivion in a frantic, seemingly endless bacchanal before the strike of First Week, in which we run frantically back to the library to once again do labor for the tenured wicked stepsiblings, and our livers turn back into the pumpkins they were when we first arrived and a fairy godmother whisked us away from parents to a soundtrack of bagpipes into the grand ball that is COLLEGE. Almost immediately tonight, I wondered why I haven’t bought my O-Week supply of beer yet. Maybe because I’m on the raw food thing and beer is not raw. I think I will be merciful to myself and buy myself a six-pack of 312 this weekend to last for the week. After all, it is my last Orientation Week. Anyways, I stumbled across a picture of “Chick Beer” today, and first I thought BEER, but then I realized the name is kind of goofy.
I mean, who drinks this? Back in my day, we had another kind of “chick beer”, and that was called Michelob Light, but I guess that is an insult to women. Anyways, if it isn’t obvious, the bottle wants to let you know what a “chick”‘s torso is supposed to look like, and that she has ridiculous infantile handwriting. I don’t think anyone will really “witness the chickness” from drinking this, which is probably re-bottled Bud Lite.
It’s almost as bad as “Bitch Wine.” Also, question, why do some women like reclaiming “bitch” like this? This is something I’ve never understood. Someone should enlighten me.
And then there’s this specimen of beer advertising, widely considered a classic in awkward racial targeting. I’m wondering, could it maybe have done in the style of a blaxploitation advertisement, or was Billy Dee Williams not in on the joke? Also, towards the last third of the commercial, there’s a point made, which I will editorializingly summarize as: “You could, theoretically, have good sex while not under the influence,” [I’m going to go ahead and assume the lady friend is not there to play checkers drunk], but why take chances???” Apparently Colt 45 works every time!
To end this post, I leave you with:
Have a great and safe Orientation Week, everyone!