OMG The VMAS: Rock It, Beyonce

SO MANY FEELINGS.

  • BEYONCE IS BOTH FABULOUS AND PREGNANT.
  • Nicki Minaj needs a new stylist but the same damn management team 4 LYFE.
  • Kreayshawn is doing exactly what she ought to do for her career/image.
  • I haven’t seen the performance videos yet.

If you care remotely about style, you need to read Tom & Lorenzo.   If you care remotely about funny things or the artists listed you need to read their VMA style recaps.   Sample quotes:

  • Kreayshawn: “The look could have been cute and quirky, but since she looks like Lovey Howell from the neck up, the effect has been downgraded to “mental patient with a Gold Card.””
  • Some Blonde Chick:  “She looks like Tinkerbell out on the town, looking to get laid.”
  • Miley Cyrus: “Why does this chick only have two settings: Trailer Park Party Girl and Lifetime Achievement Award?”
  • But THE BEST comment is regarding the Biebs.  They deserve ALL the hits for the line, so go read it.   (Runner Up: comment on Slimy Jonas.)

ETA: Joe Calderone, if you quit smoking I might commit to raising all your babies, no matter who the momma(s) is/are.  A++++

ETA2:  Emmy rightfully pointed out many things about the Joe Calderone performance that are problematic.  I wrote the above comment not having seen “Joe’s” harassment of Britney, so I am no longer interested in raising “his” babies.   I still really enjoyed the musical number though.

Pls comment if you want to hear all of my feelings; otherwise I’ll keep them to myself.   yes, this is a threat/demand for attention.

ahhhhhhhhh

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22 thoughts on “OMG The VMAS: Rock It, Beyonce

  1. mumblerant says:

    i didn’t watch the vmas but i would like you to expound on the cultural firewall that allows for this kind of statement from kreayshawn:
    “Honestly man, this is no disrespect to [Nicki Minaj] because she’s got talent. She’s got an image. But when it comes to inspiring young women, her message is to be a Barbie-to be plastic, to be fake, to all have blonde hair.“
    how do you read this? is it: a totally flat read of nm’s very complex self-presentation? or is it a judgment of how she thinks nm fans respond to her self-presentation?
    in either case it seems like it speaks a breakdown in cultural literacy; interested to see if you share that assessment.

    • LadyG says:

      I didn’t watch the VMAs either. That’s what the internet is for.

      As for the Kreayshawn quote — Oh honey. I promise to blog about Gucci Gucci et al in Sept, but my quick reaction: it’s either A) a culturally illiterate flat read or B) a specific appeal to all the dubstep lady-bros. Also, she needs to say this kind of shiz to get more media attention right now.

      I’m hoping it’s option B, but our gurl K ain’t got much education, so…

      • chortlevork says:

        I’m not sure what B) means. Does the dubstep crowd have a problem with the barbie thing too?

        Anyway, as mumblerant and I discussed yesterday, even if the criticism is directed at the fans and not Nicki Minaj herself (which is a generous interpretation, since the criticism is given ostensibly with Nicki as the messenger and her fans as unwitting receivers of the message) I think she doesn’t give THEM enough credit.

      • LadyG says:

        I may be misusing “dubstep” here. More later.

  2. M Marian says:

    Maybe I need to do a run down of the Super Bass video, cause I don’t quite get the draw yet. Sorry. :-/

    • LadyG says:

      I only saw the video today; it’s the song I have come to love. My blogging schedule is already insane, so NM lovers should feel free to chime in here.

  3. caelestis albinus bibaculus says:

    I think Kreayshawn might be smarter than y’all give her credit for: she fucks with Shakespeare after all. For seriously though, it is too smart a move on her part NOT to be at least a little bit contrived.

    As for the VMA’s in general, I refuse to watch MTV because of the way they have sodomized music, but I am vaguely displeased that Cee-Lo lost to Bieber (in those adorable little glasses).

    I am also vaguely displeased that this

    lost to this

    But I think that (for the first minute of video) the Foo Fighters should have won best video with a message. I will take disliking Coldplay and Bieber over “Born this Way” any day. This is probably not the place, but in that video the ‘Mother Monster’ gives birth to a separate race of humans free of prejudice, and THEN (or at the same time, but the two groups are still distinct) fives birth to evil. . . things. . . and she SAYS that either is okay? How is that a positive message? Also how is ‘don’t be a drag | just be a queen’ even kind of okay?

    Lady G, any opinions about this Adele video that won in a bunch of categories?

    • chortlevork says:

      I’m very much inclined to think she’s smarter than her comment about Nicki Minaj suggests. Do you have another take on it?

      • caelestis albinus bibaculus says:

        I think it depends on what you mean by “smarter than her comment. . . suggests” because, to me, in a subculture that puts a lot of stock in being “real”, Kreayshawn’s calling one of the most popular (current) artists specifically NOT real will at the very least get her a lot more traffic from people looking to see who this crazy white bitch is. This is especially helpful to Kreayshawn given that there are not a whole lot of (commercially viable) female rappers out there, and so in a lot of ways Minaj is her direct competition, so for Kreayshawn to appear as distinct from her is a good thing, even if they aren’t actually all that distinct.

        At face value I agree that her comments don’t really ring true, and so don’t really seem that smart.

      • mumblerant says:

        they are VERY much distinct from each other.
        having thought about it though, you’re right that the FACT of her dig at the hj barbie is pretty shrewd, even if the CONTENT of it is weak.
        in a sense i suppose she is playing the role cut out for her by nm’s image: nm’s whole image is one of self-conscious artifice and cross-semination of identities. also making hell of bank. so k is a natural foe, as she’s into being real and not caring about money a lot. kind of the punk to nm’s disco?
        anyway let’s hope nikki doesn’t hear about this bc she will step on kreayshawn’s face.

      • LadyG says:

        “kind of the punk to nm’s disco?”

        YES. This.

        “anyway let’s hope nikki doesn’t hear about this bc she will step on kreayshawn’s face.”

        I do think Nikki would win, but Kreayshawn wouldn’t have gotten this far if she weren’t a scrapper. I bet she fights dirty.

    • LadyG says:

      Everything about Kreayshawn is contrived, but that doesn’t mean it’s smart. Jury’s still out in my book.

      I am also vaguely displeased about Cee-Lo, although his song is not unproblematic from a feminist perspective.

      As I said elsewhere, I have a lot of problems with Born This Way and the possessive matriarchal attitude the Head Monster takes regarding all her “little weirdos”. A bi cis white girl does not get to say the things she says in that song. I hate that it’s so catchy, and it’s no surprise that Kurt on Glee adores it. I haven’t seen/heard the Foo Fighters song but it’s possible I will agree with you once I experience it. As much as I love TayTay, I’m still glad “Mean” didn’t win. (If Eminem/Rihanna won, again, I would have rioted.)

      I’ll get back to you on Adele.

      • caelestis albinus bibaculus says:

        To be clear, I was joking about the Foo Fighters.
        That song doesn’t have a message, there is just some bumper sticker hatin’ that I appreciate.

        Is it weird that I really don’t like ‘Born This Way’? The song, or the choreography, or the video. . .

      • Cranky says:

        I will echo caelestis albinus bibaculus even though I haven’t watched the Born This Way video – musicially, I don’t find the song as appealing as anything on The Fame Monster.

    • LadyG says:

      Also, this is ALWAYS the place for thoughtful critique.

  4. vicuña says:

    i would just like to note that we vicuñas are brilliantly stylish.

  5. LadyG says:

    here are some memorable style remarks from the local free daily. [you know the one]

    LADY MINAJ:
    “Dear Nicki, thank you for taking the time to openly mock Lady Gaga. We can’t imagine how heavy all that junk must be.” A+ analysis; I totally missed that.

    SELENA GOMEZ:
    “Selena, honey, just because you are dating Justin Bieber does not mean you should show up at an awards show dressed like a figure skater/bedroom fantasy doll. Save that for the private time.” So after reading this I REALLY hope their chastity rings stay on, because ew. C analysis for mental squick.

    KREAYSHAWN:
    “Is Kreayshawn’s hair an homage to Amy Winehouse? We’re not sure, but we do applaud her choice of red Nikes as a food-friendly fashion move. The same cannot be said for her Disney Store dress.” The picture in the paper clearly displays her Goofy tattoo. Think they get a B+ for this one, and the + is only for complimenting the non-heels.

    And for those who can’t get enough criticism:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/29/arts/music/at-vmas-young-stars-with-fresh-mouths.html

    • LadyG says:

      It didn’t work the way you wanted it. Can you edit it? I’ll find another link if you can’t.

      And I disagree that it was the best performance, but it was certainly lightyears ahead of most.

      • Alice says:

        😦 I can’t edit it. Please find me another link! MTV lies about embedding. I really have to remember my wordpress from ages ago so I can legit log in and do things like edit comments.

        Which one did you like better? I didn’t watch most of the VMAs but I’m assuming nothing will be topping Adele for me. This song is kind of my new obsession. I think I like it more than Rolling in the Deep.

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